THE ONLY BI-LINGUAL AND BI-WEEKLY NEWSPAPER OF THE MUSLIM COMMUNITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA

Volume 17 Issue 451- Muharrum 22, 1439 AH October 13, 2017

 
 
 
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   :: Ladies Corner
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::Loss & Grief!

Shabnam Khan M.P.C.C.,R.P.C
Family Counsellor

Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are somewhat the same.
There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person most likely goes through five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. The following five stages must be completed for healing to occur:
1-Denial-”this can’t be happening to me”, looking for the former spouse in familiar places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-”why me?” feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing and praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self-pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault; they didn’t leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can’t stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.

For any inquiries please email at
shabnam@skcounselling.ca


 

::Back to school-!

By Asma Ayyaz, Mortgage Broker

Happy Thanksgiving to all of us!
Hope all of you have really happy thanksgiving weekend celebrated in your respective ways.This is such a beautiful concept. I enjoyed it so much so that I would love to extend it throughout the year. Thank you!!!!!!!!! That’s what everybody likes to hear, isn’t it? Even God loves to hear it.
It’s free, easy to give, rewarding.
Then WHY don’t we?
We say thank you most of the time in courtesy, as one of the magic words we are taught as a good behavior. These words should come from our heart. This is possible when we actually feel it understand its true meaning in deeper sense.
ARE we the original creator?
We earn lots of money, design or create something great, we are engineers, architects, artists, chefs….list is endless. Have we ever thought about who gives original resources? We can make high rise buildings, bridges, infrastructure….but who produces basic material iron? A chef can cook amazing tasty dishes but can he produce basic wheat or vegetables seeds? We should be thankful to the creator of this amazing universe first. Secondly, we should be thankful to our parents for putting our needs first and then the dreams of their own life.
Our teachers, friends, neighbors, relatives, any person doing our work well, and going out of way to help us…..the list is endless. It is very important to acknowledge that universe runs better with everybody helping each other by the balance of giving and taking.
This awareness makes us feel grateful thus makes us kind, polite and teaches us tolerance and humbleness. When we value the people, things and circumstances, we are better human beings. We respect others and ourselves more.
When we understand the importance and value of time and people, we learn to prioritize, we learn to progress with rightfulness. This feeling of thankfulness clears the dust of ego, selfishness, self-centeredness in ourselves.
This helps relationships better.
When parents feel thankful for being blessed with children, they will pay more attention to their children with awareness, not just be a parent. When children feel thankful for their parents, love, care and sacrifices they will be working more hard to be worthy of it.
Thankful citizen.
When we feel thankful for rights and favors, we enjoy as citizens. We will be more aware of our duties towards a country, the place we are living. We will strive to make it a better place, better environment for our future generations and exactly that is the reason to vote. Please vote and choose your representatives.


For any inquiries please email at
:asmashums@gmail.com

JUST CHILL

When God blesses you financially, don’t raise your standard of
living; raise your standard of giving.

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