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Volume 17 Issue 458-Jamadi ul Awal 2, 1439 AH January 19, 2018
 
 
 
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   :: Youth / Education
::Teenagers who Help Strangers are more confident, study find

By: OLIVIA PETTER
Selfless behaviour could boost confidence in teenagers, new research has found.
Selfless behaviour could boost confidence in teenagers, new research has found.
In a longitudinal study conducted at Brigham Young University, Utah, scientists noted that adolescents who exhibited prosocial behaviour towards strangers had higher self-esteem a year later.
The same effect was not reported in those who showed similar behaviours - such as helping, sharing and comforting - towards their family and friends. a longitudinal study conducted at Brigham Young University, Utah, scientists noted that adolescents who exhibited prosocial behaviour towards strangers had higher self-esteem a year later.
The same effect was not reported in those who showed similar behaviours - such as helping, sharing and comforting - towards their family and friends.
“This study helps us to understand that young people who help those with whom they do not have a relationship report feeling better about themselves over time,” explained the study’s co-author, professor Laura Padilla-Walker.
“Given the importance of self-esteem during the teen years, this is an important finding,” she added.
“It suggests there might be something about helping strangers that impacts one’s moral identity or perceptions of self in a more significant way than helping friends or family members, although these are beneficial behaviours as well.”
Padilla-Walker and her team of researchers examined the behaviour of 681 adolescents between the ages of 11 and 14.
They tracked their measures of self-esteem over a three-year-long period and had participants repeatedly respond to a series of 10 statements such as “I am satisfied with myself” in order to establish how their levels of self-esteem changed during this time.
They concluded that participants showed higher levels of self-esteem after just one year of prosocial behaviour.
The teens’ levels of prosocial behaviour were monitored via self-reports, where participants were asked to respond to statements such as “I help people I don’t know, even if it’s not easy for me.”
“Not all helping is created equal, and we’re finding that prosocial behaviour towards strangers is protective in a variety of ways that is unique from other types of helping,” Padilla-Walker explained.
She added that prosocial behaviour could be particularly beneficial for teens who tend to focus on themselves and that helping those who are less fortunate than they are may benefit them as much as those they are helping.
“It is best if teens can directly see the benefit of their help on others. This can increase gratitude in young people and help them to focus less on their own problems.”
Such behaviour will also encourage them to meet new people, which will also boost confidence levels, she concluded.

:: Stories for Muslim Kids-------------- Parent Teacher Interviews

1. When your teen daughter/son comes home from school, you may want to allow them between 1 to 2 hours to do whatever she/he likes . But what that means is that what they do must be Halal and approved by you first. For example, if they want to watch (non-Islamic) music videos, it’s not acceptable. Re-direct her to Islamic nasheeds and songs instead on YouTube. Check out the Parenting Tips (part 2) on this webpage:
Go through the points mentioned there carefully, in shaa Allah. And if you agree that it is a good technique, you can implement them. You see, it’s quite important to make sure that these “free time” sessions are actually Halal “free time” sessions and not the opposite. Let your teens know why it is haram to do certain things and talk to them more about other issues as well. Don’t just say, “Because it’s Haram.” or “Because I said so.” and you do not explain. Please explain further in a calm manner, in shaa Allah. (If you yourself do not know why a certain thing is Haram, do your research first before speaking to your teen. Or ask a Sheikh or Imam or Islamic Studies teacher.) We don’t want your daughter or son to think that “everything fun is Haram” but at the same time, we don’t want her to think that she can do whatever she/he wants without limits. There are limitations and she/he must know how to entertain herself correctly. In a Halal way, of course.
2. If she wants to use her/his laptop and mobile, she/he may use it only outside her/his bedroom. Showing you what she/he is watching every now and then. No mobile and laptop usage in her/his bedroom. They are rubbish bins which pour filth into your daughter’s/son’s heart and mind. We trust your daughter/son but we don’t trust shaytan. Tip: When your teen says, “Don’t you trust me, Mum/Dad?” Say, “Of course I do, I just don’t trust shaytan.”
3. Parental or profanity or kid-safe or restriction mode or cyber-safety child filter app or software must be installed in the mobile and laptop.
4. What can she do in her/his room after school then? Hobbies of course. Don’t have any? Find one with her/him ASAP. If one hobby doesn’t work well, change it to another one in a few weeks or a few months. No worries in shaa Allah.
5. If she/he can’t comply to these standards and rules, then, she/he HAS to face consequences. What consequences? For example, you need to either take her/his mobile away (in my opinion, she/he shouldn’t have one yet anyway) or take away one or two of her other privileges or punish her/him through doing more chores, or take away TV rights for a week, etc. Basically, she/he needs more discipline. But discipline requires you to teach her/him and explain to her/him about
the behaviour and practices of a Muslim. It also means that you need to spend more
time with her. Point blank punishment without explanation is not recommended at all. You and your spouse must talk to her/him more. And spend time with her/him more, in shaa Allah. Islam has rules and regulations to keep us all safe from harm and the Jahannam. We have to instill in her/him that rules keep us safe. Shaytan is an enemy that has many tools in his toolbox. May Allah protect us from shaytan always. Ameen. Yaa Rabb.


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::Marriage: A Safe Haven

By: Naima Shaikh  
After witnessing countless unsuccessful or tumultuous marriages amongst family and friends I decided to write an article about marriage. What is marriage? On the Facebook site: Lessons learned in life Inc. It states the following quote: “A relationship should be a safe haven not a battle zone.” That is my definition of marriage a safe haven.
A good example of this definition comes from Prophet Muhammed’s marriage with hazret Khadijah when the prophet first received wahi the first person he confided what he had witnessed was to his wife Khadijah who comforted him and reassured him that he wasn’t going crazy and that he had in fact been chosen by God to carry out his work.
In western media one of the main frictions in marriage is cited as money. In Islam it says in the Qur’an 4:34 “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…”
But what happens when the husband does not have money or has very little money. Again we turn to the Prophet’s life for example. On one occasion the Prophet’s wives demanded money and goods to which the Prophet responded by saying if they want money and goods he is willing to divorce them and will personally find rich men and marry them off to them. The wives responded by retracting their demand for money and goods and chose to stay married to him.There is also the example of Khadijah who was a very wealthy lady and the Prophet’s wife she spent her money generously on the Prophet and the cause of Islam.
There is also example of Hazret Aisha and other wives of the Prophet who went without food for days but remained steadfast partners for the Prophet.
There is also the example of Hazret Asiya (Prophet Ayoub’s wife) she shared a rich prosperous life with Prophet Ayoub but when difficult times struck in the form of poverty and sickness she worked in people’s houses and supported Prophet Ayoub in every way, mean and manner she could.
But in the face of adversary not all women respond like Hazret Khadijah and Hazret Asiya. Prophet Ayoub had several wives when difficult times came namely poverty and sickness they all left him except Hazret Asiya who was a very pious lady.
Life has its ups and downs when looking for a spouse husband or wife in my opinion one should keep this in mind and look for a spouse on the basis of their religiosity not for someone who is only going to be there for the good times and is nowhere to be found when difficulties arise. Or turns into a hideous monster when poverty or sickness strike.Living in this day and age where social ills are rampant I strongly urge everyone whether single or married to read Prophet Muhammed’s biography and biographies of other Prophets such as Ayoub and Yusuf and Yaqub to gain insight and inspiration from their lives and how to deal with various difficulties in life especially marital life.
Please Note: The article though meant for both men and women focuses more on the role of women in marriage and monetary issues http://www.islamicity.org/

 

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