Judging a child with special needs does not define who they are… It defines who you are.
Parents of children with special needs are judged for their child’s behaviour. They are judged for their response. They are even judged for having the temerity to be out and about with their children, trying to live their own lives.
They are judged for the decisions they make, their education choices, therapy options, medical interventions and lifestyle. They are judged for doing things differently. For not pushing their children enough, and again when they push them too far.
It’s not just about why they are judged, but rather, it is the fact that they are judged by everyone – family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers on the street.
When we see a child running around, not listening to their parents in a mall, restaurant, at a wedding or any other public place, our initial reaction or judgement would be to assume that it is bad parenting, they are ill-mannered children, or maybe to socially boycott that family.
Parents of children with disabilities often get stares, and this may make them feel that people are pitying them. If a child has an invisible disability, it is harder for people to accept this and in turn tend not to believe the parents’ struggles. They may also label them as “bad parents”.
It’s very easy for us to say, “just don’t worry about what other people think”, but it’s not that simple, especially for those who are dealing with this every single day.
Not everyone knows the situation that these parents are in. Only those in the same situation could possibly understand what they deal with each and every day. We can only imagine how the visible judgement of others pushes these parents’ self-esteem even lower.
As members of a strong and inclusive community, lets remind ourselves that we must take the initiative to do things differently. Tell yourself that it is okay if your parenting style is different than others’. Accept that being different is not wrong, but rather something to be celebrated.
Here are some things that we can do to support a family that has a child with special needs:
– If appropriate, ask the parents if there is anything you can do to help. Offer this help in a kind tone and an open mind. Be prepared for the other parent to say no, and do not take it personally if they start to feel defensive. This may just be a natural reaction.
– Teach your own children to be inclusive and invite everyone to play without judgement.
– If you are available and are comfortable, help other parents with their children. Offer babysitting, child-minding or respite.
– Do not judge! You wouldn’t want people to judge you if your child was having a bad day and you were struggling, so don’t do it to anyone else.
Remember!!!!
“Inclusive Communities are the strongest communities.” –
Huma Shoaib
Behavioural Therapist
Founder of Empowering Autism
